Open Relationships: What You Need To Know

Rule 5:

Two different lovers in one week is a little much, so we try to avoid that.

Rule 6:

ALWAYS use protection. Nobody wants chlamydia.

5. Do you get jealous?

Yes, of course! In monogamous relationships in the past, I was jealous all the time. Attractive women were a potential threat in my mind, and I was paranoid about my boyfriends’ connections with other people. Since our communication never allowed for a simple conversation about how beautiful some woman was, or how good looking a guy I saw was, any amount of flirting was catastrophic. With my current setup with my partner, he knows that yes, I am attracted to other people and am sleeping with some. And I know the same about him. Confirmed, moving on.

Besides, a little jealousy can be healthy, and it usually fades after a few hours to a few days. And there’s no confidence booster like remembering that it’s me whom he comes home to and loves deeply. My partner has made it clear what a catch I am. He knows all of my quirks, he knows what makes me tick and how to reason with me. Nobody knows me like he does, and nobody is going to know him like I do. When I really stop to think about it, I know that there’s very little chance that he’s seeing anyone who is going to be better for him than I am.

We’ve removed the ownership that can come with a conventional relationship. My partner and I enjoy variety, and we know firsthand that the presence of other lovers doesn’t diminish the feelings we have for each other. We talk to each other as friends, and nothing is restricted from conversation, which means sometimes I ask him dumb questions I already know the answer to—like, “Do you still love me?” and “Are you going to Mexico with her?” (obviously yes, and obviously no, in that order)—just to hear it come from him. I can also complain to him when lovers are uncool to me, and vice versa. Since we’re structured upon honesty, I know I’ll get an honest answer or honest advice. We’ve benefited so much from open communication all-around. Openness is everything.

Plus, knowing our significant other is desired by other people is actually pretty sexy.

6. What do you do while he’s out with another woman?

Sometimes I like seeing him leave for a date looking really sexy and kissing him before he goes out. We live together, so after he leaves I get alone time to watch whatever I want and I get the whole king size bed all to myself. If I’m in a jealous mood and need to talk to someone, I’ll call a friend for support and whine to them. My friends make me laugh and feel better. Occasionally we’ll have dates on the same night, but it happens rarely.

7. What if you fall in love with someone else?

We’ve worked really hard for a long time to build a loving, happy, fun and trusting relationship that we both feel is virtually unbreakable. We communicate so much that nothing major would go unnoticed and not talked about. We’ve agreed that if things are getting a little intense with someone, we’ll end it, but that hasn’t happened yet. Besides that, we’ve eliminated the temptation element, so sex isn’t a risky, adrenaline-driven sin. In my experience, adrenaline resulting from sneaking around with someone can become dependence—the act itself can bond people together, and can eventually be mistaken for love.

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